


Shared Pain

by Multiple_Fandom_Writer



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Depression, F/F, Femslash, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18435176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multiple_Fandom_Writer/pseuds/Multiple_Fandom_Writer
Summary: Madeleine Williams is in a pool of doubt and self-hatred. Feeling hated by other nations, she begins self-harming, but one night, a certain female Ukrainian finds out. And boy does she react.





	1. Madeleine's Pain

**Author's Note:**

> This is a serious, serious issue in the world. Depression, self-harming, drug addictions, school shooters-if we payed better attention to mental health and watched for signs of depression or mental instability, we might not have had as many gun deaths in this century alone.  
> That said, Madeleine is heavily in the belief that the world simply wouldn't give a care if she dies (and she's wrong), and therefore, cuts herself. I'm also adding a warning since this could be a trigger for other people. This is that warning. If you're having doubts about yourself or self-harming, please, I am begging you, go to a therapist, or talk to family members, please!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Madeleine goes home early from a World Meeting, intending to be all alone, but Katyusha asks if she can stay.

**Italics in apostrophes represent thoughts.**

Canada sighed as, once again, she was ignored. It'd been this way for a long time now, over sixty years in fact, and the world only recognized her for either her peaceful stance, or as a giant land of snow and ice and winter-and she hated it. The female didn't bother listening to whatever Amelia had to say (and Amelia had terrible stage fright, her little and most precious sister), and got up to leave. 

Unlike 90 percent of the times she left for home, this time she was noticed by Ukraine, who, after quickly finishing off notes, followed her. "Madeleine!" Katyusha called, startling the young woman. 

"Kat! You scared me," the Canadian said, putting a hand on her chest. The two chuckled, then the Ukrainian became worried (though she never showed it), deciding to try to talk to the (in her opinion) perfect person in the world itself. 

"I was wondering if you wouldn't mind having me over for a few days," she asked, smiling. Canada stopped walking, shocked. 

 _'Can I have Katyusha over? Even for a few days? What if she finds out and hates me?'_  She thought, biting her lower lip. "Sure!" The Canadian woman chirped, putting a hand on Katyusha's shoulder. 

Katyusha smiled. "Thanks Canada." She murmured. 

 

* * *

A few hours and a food stop later, the two had reached Canada's humble home. It wasn't too big or too small, just the right size for people to live comfortably without having to worry about the weather. What both of them knew was that it was bigger underneath than what Madeleine allowed people to see. "Holy cow," she said, stretching her legs (Ukraine had thought privately that Madeleine's body was already gorgeous enough). 

The two looked at each other and chuckled, walking inside and shutting the door. Normally, this deep into the woods, there wouldn't be any reception, but Madeleine had conveniently made her home close to a highway, which boosted her reception for her Internet. "Alright," Canada said, "I'm heading up to bed since it is fuckin' eleven at night. See you in the morning Kat." She yawned, then left. Unknown to the Ukrainian woman, she wasn't really tired from the time and her sleep cycle. 

She was tired from it, yes, but her depression and subsequent almost daily self harm sessions caused her to get far more tired earlier. Once the Canadian female had entered and shut her room door (making sure it was locked, last time she hadn't checked Amelia almost caught her cutting herself), she stripped off her jacket, shirt, and blouse, leaving herself only in her undergarments. Madeleine sighed in relief as the cool, sharp blade of her hobby knife sliced through her skin, drawing blood to the surface. 

She smiled as the blood welled up, and she fell asleep. There was a reason why she'd made her covers red after all. The next day, she woke early, sighing as the sun hit her body, revealing the countless scars and leftover blood from previous 'sessions'. Unlike the rest of the world, Madeleine had been almost always understanding of the sheer importance of mental health and awareness, but her government had ignored it. 

"Fuck me," the Canadian said, "the pain is good." While normally, if she'd been alone, she would have gone on a slight rant about how much she deserved the pain, she didn't. 

What Canada didn't know was that Ukraine was listening in on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to end it on a cliffhanger, but I couldn't find a better ending to the chapter that fit. Anyway, the next four (I think, haven't properly planned this out yet) chapters deal with: Ukraine finding out, Seychelles and Belguim finding out (by accident), Amelia and Natalya finding out through Madeleine, and then epilogue.


	2. Katyusha finds out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ukraine finds out about Madeleine's cutting, and decides to help her get over it, except it doesn't go according to plan.

Ukraine was incensed. Canada deserving pain? Deserving to be alone?  _'Not on my watch!'_  She vowed, and walked away towards the simple staircase that lead into her crush's living room. Unlike the rest of the world (excluding Belgium, Seychelles, America, and Belarus), she actually saw and heard Madeleine's voice, her attempts to be heard losing their desperation, her usually incredibly strong and vibrate voice losing its touch after many years of being ignored and isolated. 

To put it frankly, she was pissed. How dare the rest of the world ignore her greatest female friend like that! The Ukrainian heard nothing but the blood rushing in her ears as she systematically ripped apart every talk, every lunch date she'd had with Canada, and she realized that Madeleine, even in the late nineties, had been showing signs of depression and self harm. Ukraine's heart fell as she realized the female Canadian had been holding herself back from...from... 

Her aqua-blue eyes widened with horror and shock as the Ukrainian woman realized the amount of respect and love had also prevented the brunette from killing herself, even if it didn't work. "Madeleine? We need to talk," she said firmly. 

"I'll be right there!" Canada replied, and Ukraine sat down on a comfortable couch. _'More than likely she's putting some clothes on after cutting herself,'_  her mind supplied. In under three minutes, Madeleine appeared, a dark red shirt on that easily hid her scars. The two didn't say anything for a moment, then Ukraine started it. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked. Madeleine froze. 

"Uh-I-what?" Canada asked, acting confused. 

Katyusha snorted. "We both know, Madeleine. I am asking you why the fuck you didn't tell me about your depression and self harm!" Dimly, her mind recognized that her voice was slightly raised by the end of her sentence, but she didn't care. 

"I-I..." Madeleine stuttered. 

"Why didn't you care to tell me Madeleine? WHY?" The Ukrainian said. 

"Because nobody else fucking gives a shit about me!" Canada roared. Ukraine was suddenly thankful that Madeleine had soundproofed the house, otherwise the police would have been on them almost the second their voices were loud enough to be heard from the highway. "The world? It was right in plain fucking sight sixty years ago, and the blind idiots didn't fucking give a shit large enough to fucking see!" 

"That's not true Madeleine! Maria, Laura, Amelia, and Natalya give a shit about you," she said, her voice hardening. "Hell, they love you! I l..." She cut herself off, horrified by what she'd almost revealed. 

"Nobody fucking loves me, they ignore me." Canada laughed. "And what about you? Gonna say you care about me? Huh?" She mocked. Katyusha didn't think anymore. She stepped forward, and kissed Madeleine on the lips. 

"Because I do fucking love you Madeleine." Ukraine whispered. "I've loved you since the first time I saw you." 

Madeleine stood there in shock. Ukraine loved her? Had since 1920? 

Katyusha sniffed sadly as she realized Madeleine was just standing there emotionlessly. She turned, but she hadn't taken more than a step when Canada grabbed her hand. "Katyusha, I love you too," her crush whispered, and pulled her into an embrace, kissing her. 

"May I...may I see your arms?" She asked. Madeleine obligated, and she pulled off her shirt to reveal her arms. There were cuts all along Madeleine's arms, but as the Ukrainian woman rubbed her hands against them, they vanished. 

"I couldn't help myself back in '77," Canada whispered, "that's when I began cutting myself. I wanted someone, so badly, to sweep me up into their arms and hold me closely and tell me that they cared about me, and that they loved me." Her purple eyes swelled up with tears. "But no one ever did, and it got worse and worse until I wanted to die, just to see if someone would noticed. You were my saving grace that day in ninety five. I was going to h-hang myself but you came along before I could go through with it." By the end of her mini rant, tears were slipping down her face. 

"I'm glad I am your saving grace, Madeleine, and I promised I will do my best to tell you that I love you every day of my life." Ukraine whispered, one hand having instinctively gone to rub Canada's back, and one hand having gone to her waistline, but Madeleine didn't bother backing out of the embrace. The two kissed again, and this time, they sat down. 

"Ummm, Kat?" The female Canadian asked. "Will you be my girlfriend?" 

Katyusha's answer was a kiss. Then she pulled out, and murmured, "Yes."


End file.
